Tuesday, 19 July 2011

An update and something to whet your appetite

Thanks for all the comments on my last post.

I'm a little late posting this week due to parental responsibilities (taking the kids to three movies), starting back at uni, adding content to this site, and the endless distractions that are Facebook and Twitter.

I hope to post something of interest in the next few days. Until then, here is a snippet of a fictional piece I wrote in class this afternoon. I hope you enjoy it.

Emanuel


Trust me. I didn't push her off the pier. I was just standing there minding my own business when a bunch of kids ran past me, screaming all the while. Why someone would let their kids run free like that, I don't know. They should have been on a leash or something. Scare all the fish away they did. How's a guy s'posed to catch a meal with that ruckus?
     So, I'm standing there with my fishing rod in one hand, a stubby in the other, when the mother comes running toward me shouting for the kids to shut up.
     Hypocrite.
     She made more noise than the kids! I wanted to say something to her - on behalf of the other fishermen too scared to face up to her - but I didn't. I just leant back to cast out a new line and bam! She ran straight into me and fell over the railing. I didn't even know she was there.
     Promise...


Do you believe the narrator?
Why/why not?

8 comments:

matthewwatts77 said...

I reckon u could expand upon this a bit more.

Emanuel Cachia said...

Thanks for the encouragement Matt.

I quite like the voice and had fun writing it, but I might store it in my bottom draw for a rainy day. Too many stories: too little time in my day...

Emanuel

Merlene said...

Come on, you now you did it.

julee said...

I know you. You did it. No good pretending otherwise.

Emanuel Cachia said...

You know 'I' did it? This is fiction, remember? *wink*

Thank you both for your comments. It's encouraging to know there are people that enjoy my work :)

Emanuel

Lauren @ Pure Text said...

The fisherman is quite guilty. Maybe he wasn't entirely responsible for the incident, but perhaps he helped her on her way...

The ellipsis after "Promise" is what gives it away. It'd be interesting to find a way of hinting at the fisherman's guilt without being too obvious about it as with the ellipsis. I'm sure there are many ways if one were to sit down and try to find them. It'd be a great writing exercise.

Oh, language. :D

Emanuel Cachia said...

Thanks for the comment Lauren. I had fun writing it and am glad you enjoyed it.

I agree the ellipsis is a little too obvious. Removing it might highlight the other, more subtle, clues to his 'possible' guilt.

Funny how some stories expand beyond what they were first intended them to be and demand attention...

Emanuel

Anonymous said...

Someone had to do it. Could later be the catch of the day (not).